Then, Now, and Forever
by Xx Lily Luna xX
Summary: The world isn't a safe place, and sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Regardless of that, though, sometimes people just can't stay away from each other.


Imagine my delight when one Sunday morning upon exiting my bedroom I found two oh-so-familiar boys on my couch fast asleep. Two pairs of socks and shoes along with a couple of dark t-shirts and a pair of trousers occupied the recliner in the corner of my small flat while two wands and a slightly bent up pair of glasses sat on my kitchen counter. Unbelievable.

Turning around, I reentered my bedroom and found a pair of shorts and a long t-shirt to put on. I glanced at myself in the mirror for a moment before deciding that it was pointless trying to fix my bed head, and let out a deep sigh, shaking my head.

I walked back into the center of the small sitting area before crossing my arms and saying, a bit louder than was completely necessary, "Potter, may I ask why in the name of Merlin you are asleep on the couch in my flat?"

His eyes squinted in the light and his arms elongated into a stretch as he sat up to look at me. "Just couldn't stay away, could you, Evans?" he joked, slumping onto the couch's armrest and aiming a kick at Sirius' leg.

"You're the one who's in _my_ flat here, darling," I repeated, "clearly you're the one who couldn't stay away."

Sirius let out a soft groan as he struggled to get into an upright position, "I guess that explains why the place was so tidy, eh, Prongs?"

"Y'know, you shouldn't keep that window open at night, Evans; you don't want anybody climbing in all willy-nilly to rob you for all you're worth."

Allow me to rephrase for a moment: imagine my delight when one Sunday morning upon exiting my bedroom I found two oh-so-familiar boys on my couch fast asleep and obviously recovering from one hell of a night at the pub. "First of all, James, I live on the fourth floor. If a robber can climb up the side of this building and into my window without making enough noise to wake me or _somebody_ up, he deserves my money. I don't really have all that much of it here, anyway. Secondly, it was about a thousand bloody degrees outside last night. If that window hadn't been open I would have suffocated in my sleep, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Of course not, then we'd never see the day where you come to your senses about being with me," our eyes met at that and neither of us dropped our gaze. He didn't look so hung over any more and I was stunned into silence.

"Well," Sirius cleared his throat, "I guess it's time for Moony's wake up call." And with that he got up, pulled on his trousers, collected his things and walked next door to Remus' flat, which presumably was where they meant to fall asleep last night.

As my door clicked shut behind Sirius, I let out a sigh and looked away from James, finally breaking our eye contact. I walked into the small kitchen at the other side of the room and began preparing a cup of coffee for myself and some tea for James.

"Lily, c'mon, this is ridiculous. I have yet to find one good reason why we should avoid each other like the plague, especially after everything was going so well," he said, grabbing his glasses off the counter as he came to stand at my side.

"I've told you already, James, it's not safe. At least not now. You heard what Bellatrix said; you're pureblood, and I'm a mudblood. We can't do this right now, because people like Bellatrix are in an absolutely astounding abundance. You're being labeled a traitor and I'm being called out for tainting a pure name, and it's effectively putting big red signs on our backs that say "Come get me!" and I'm not going to do that to you. I can't help that I'm Muggleborn, they're going to come after me no matter what, but I don't have to bring you down with me. You're enough of a target already because of the Order," I handed him his tea as I finished my lecture.

Everything I'd said was true; last week's encounter with the Death Eaters had proven that much. The things they'd screamed at us, at me, simply for existing and occupying the same space as them, were absolutely abysmal. They sent nasty hexes and curses that they definitely hadn't learned while at Hogwarts, and we did the same. That's a morally grey area for me, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do, just like I had to break it off with James, both for his safety and my own. I care for him too much to let him try and protect me from that which I cannot be protected from. I won't let him die trying to save me from the inevitable.

"Lily Evans, please allow me to explain something to you," he said, using his finger to lift my chin and my gaze to meet his, "if you think there is even the slightest chance that Bellatrix is able to scare me away from loving you, I question whether or not you've known me at all for the past seven years. I am not part of the Order because of you. I am not fighting against these people because of you. I do that because it's the right thing. And maybe I won't make it out of this war alive, and maybe I will, but being with you is one of the only happy parts of my life right now, and I'm not giving that up."

"You say that now, James, but you're only eighteen. We're only eighteen. You don't have to do this; give your life up for this. Go home and be safe. You have such a good life to look forward to." I turned away from him and wiped the moisture from my eyes. Counting to ten and attempting to steady my breathing were of no use at all, "find a nice pureblood girl, marry her and have a thousand babies. Live a happy life, please. A safe life. If you loved me you would promise me that. You deserve that, and I can't give it to you; I'm a risk not worth taking."

"You are worth the world to me, and no pureblood girl could ever make me as happy as I am with you in my arms," he spoke softly as he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder.

"You are so cliché, James Potter."

"You love it."

"That's highly debatable," I laughed as I turned around to bury my face in his chest. "I still think this is a bad idea but, like you said, I just can't stay away, can I?"

I looked up at him as he smirked knowingly, softly placing his lips on my forehead before enveloping me in a full-on hug. As I pulled back to look at him, I couldn't help but selfishly thank whatever deity may or may not be up there that this wonderful boy loved me enough to stay with me in spite of the safe and acceptable social norms he defies by doing so.

"I love you, you know that?" he asked.

"You did mention it, yes."

He paused and looked at me for a moment before saying, "what? No "I love you too, oh gorgeous and wonderful James Potter"?"

"Eh, you're alright."

"You're unbelievable."

"Well-" he cut me off as he pushed his lips to mine. He still tasted like firewhiskey and cigarettes but he smelled so distinguishably _James_ that it was easy enough to ignore. His hands found my waist and mine found his hair as his mouth met the nape of my neck and a quiet moan escaped my lips. I wished I had the willpower to give this up because it would benefit the both of us. This entire relationship is stupidly illogical, but for now and the foreseeable future, I am content just loving this boy with all my heart.


End file.
